My Journal (January, 2006)

January 1, 2006

It's the very first day of the New Year, which is the Year of the Dog!

Another year has come. It means another hardship is about to be burdened, another war against life is about to be battled.

Last night, it was 11:45 PM, when the surrounding became noisy, I quietly took a plunge to bed and started missing my daughter, Hanna Margaret. I wished I'm with her and we're celebrating the new year in our own house, inmour own special way.

Honestly, I welcomed the New Year sadly. Maybe, it was the saddest new year I have ever experienced. However, I'm optimistic enough to face the new challenges of the newest year. I thanked Him instead, for he continually blesses me and my loved ones, through the year.

Though Matthew 19:23 says, "That a rich man shall hardly enter into kingdom of heaven", I'm still wishing for a bit of wealth which is enough to gladden my families.

"Pardon me, Oh God for I have broken my promise.."

Because of complexity of the story and lackness of time and bond paper, I haven't finished yet the script, which was due on December 31, 2005. Nevertheless, I will finishh it as soon as possible, so that I could start another story.

The weddings of mh brothers are just around the corner. I wished they will send me money for fare so that I could join them wiyh their once-in-a-lifetime memoirs.

I didn't go to church, though it's a FMBC reunion, because I wanted solitude. When they were gone, all I did was sew..sew...sew.. and sew all day long. I've finished two pillow cases, a blouse and a "bestida" for Baby Marge.

That's how I celebrated New Year.

Because of tiredness, I was not able to pray. So I apologized to God. Thanked Him for he gave me a sound and tight sleep.


January 2, 2006

The day after New Year's Day..

I swept the dried leaves and other mess in the yard as if I own it. Then, I ready myself in going to Polot.

"Lord, God, Please provide the roofs for our house so that we (I, Hanna and Mary Jane) could live happily and united in the same house."

A home is not a house. Our roofless house will not be a home until it is not dwelt by united family. "God, I want home."

All I can do now is hope and pray, while doing the best I can, for "I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me (Phil. 4:13)"

I have not visited my house because Kuya Bambi escaped the bike. So I just sew and sleep afterwards. When I woke up I prepared our meal.

After eating,I start writing the script which was temporarily stopped due to the hardship of its possible ending. And now, I am out of bond paper. I do not know when can I buy another 25-pieces because I'm penniless. I only have P84.25 on my wallet.

Before I close my eyes, I ask God for the happiness, success, safety and blessings of my loved ones. I also asked Him for financial blessings.


January 3, 2006

Five-thirty in the morning, I rose and have a cup of coffee. Then, rushed to Polot through bike so that I could clean the surroundings there..

When I was sweeping at the frontyard, I saw Bolodoy's wife, wearing maong jacket. I remember the robbed jacket of my wife. I think, I'm sure, she robbed it.

Then, I found out that our casserole was gone. It was robbed though our door was shut. It made me annoyed. I knew the culprit is Federico, my uncle. Thus, i jotted down a note on a piece of paper: "Sige, magnakaw ka pa. Mamamatay ka rin!" Then, I posted it on the door.

Though, I'm hungry, I rushed home happily. And when I get here, I ate contentedly. Then, watched Lifestyle Channel.

Sisters Gina and Nelly come for a Bible Study. They tackled "perseverant prayer" using Luke11:9 to as a text. According to them, God is so kind that before you ask, He already knows what you would ask Him. All you need to do is knock and hear His voice, according to Revelation 3:20. So, don't wonder if sometimes our prayers still unanswered. We have to persevere.


January 4, 2006

It's a rainyday! I could smell a very gloomy day..

When the rain has stopped temporarily, I bought this notebook, bond paper, alambre dulce and needles.

After lunch, I sew a gown for Hanna. But the rain has stopped again. I quickly dressed up and rushed to Polot..

There, I swept in and out our house. I thanked God that He took care of the house, which is not concrete and free to external bad elements. But a carabao or carabaos have entered the garden. I suspect someone is lettinghis carabao/s enter/s the garen of mine. It irates me.

I go home after cleaning because the weather is not good and i don't have something to do there. I had time to watch lifestyle channel because Ate Jennilyn is at the shop. Then, I continue sewing but it isnot yet finished, the machine is malfunctioning.

After dinner, we attended prayer meeting. Brother Rodel spoke about "death". He defines it as "separation" and enumerates three kinds of death: physical, spiritual and temporal.

They asked me what is my prayer request, I said nothing. But they insisted that "health and loved ones". Really I wanted to request for job or my house to be roofed. Anyway, I prayed for it, too.

"God, I already have accepted that it's my life."

An unknown person qoutes "I asked God for all things so I could enjoy life, He gave me life so I could enjoy all things." I could relate on this. I do not have abundant earthly materials but I still enjoy life. Life and being alive are what make me happy. The new life, in my baby's personage is enough to be thankful for. Birth of Baby Marge is the most appropriate reason to enjoy life --- a life that is gift of God.


January 5, 2006

I rose up gladly..started to work usual chores--- dishwashing, cooking, sweeping, etc..

Then I took the opportunity to go to Polot when Kuya Bambi arrived, it was 8am.. There, I did the usual things, too. Afterwards, I roamed around Lolo Aton's "kalubihan" to look for fern nests or nest ferns. Fortunately, I have seen four "balete" trees, two cacao trees and I-don't-know tree. I made them bonsais, except the cacao trees and one "balete".

But before planting them, I read first one feature in a Decision Magazine. It's about he story of a childhood trauma that put her to pain until womanhood. But according to her, she has recovered from it through Jesus Christ, because God says, "Be still, and know that I am God.." (Revelation 46:10). It is applicable toomin disappointments, hopelessness, frustrations and glooms. It is true that God strengthens us when the going gets rough. All we have to do is "Be still" and Have faith."

Honestly, I do not feel the presence of Ate Jennilyn here. I could not do nothing, but to face the fact. Now that she's here, I could not oftenly view Lifestyle Channel if I want to and many more reasons, like doing household chores and eating issues. How I wish she and Jing-Jing would go home to Polangui soon.

I recut the gown--I supposed to be, into a pillow case. I have completely finished it. It is so cute and wonderful!

At night, I sew the cloth cover of this journal to protect it from tear and scratches. It is not made perfectly, but it's so nice.

Sia's Family had a property problem. Gonzales' is pressuring them to pay a rent of P350 per month. Gonzales' changed the verbal agreement they had made months ago that they are giving Sia' Family one year to pay them a lump sum. They tried to contact Evelyn Diokno but she didn't reply.

My chest is aching again. I felt it last two days, if I'm not mistaken.

Tonight, before I sleep, I will ask God to heal it and take it away from me.

"Lord Jesus, I want job. I want to work at Bulan Municipal Hall. Please, Lord!!"

I prayed for Ate Jennilyn's recovery--what I mean is that may her illness be healed, because it affects their life, so as it made her lazy.